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how u holding up? - Mixtape

by Ruven

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  • Cassette + Digital Album

    Limited edition "safety orange" cassette with green sticker and paper o-card, 15 tracks per side.

    Includes cassette-only tracks #6 and #19.

    Includes unlimited streaming of how u holding up? - Mixtape via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more.
    ships out within 5 days
    edition of 50 
    Purchasable with gift card

      $9 USD or more 

     

  • Streaming + Download

    Includes unlimited streaming via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more.
    Purchasable with gift card

      $1 USD  or more

     

1.
race 2 the bottom 01:00
lyrics
i don’t wanna race to the bottom i wanna save what we started can we let it float? i erased your number but committed it to heart just in case i felt it and got the nerve enough to call you said my remedy was stark but i was shooting in the dark if i expose my weakness will this tension fall apart?
2.
alien love songs 01:00
lyrics
i felt a sensation i couldn’t explain like messages beaming from space to my brain went right through my cortex and rattled my spine these alien love songs controlling my mind
3.
designer planet 00:59
lyrics
concrete cracks are growing weeds life will do its work reasons claimed for burning things lifted from the earth i’d rather be here than in the void i don’t want to see it all destroyed why do we divide our attention and unite our fears? matter over mind ‘cause the world that we designed isn’t real
4.
synchronicity 00:59
info
5.
golden apple 01:00
lyrics
had a dream climbed a tree found a golden apple heard some girls arguing “who’s the most beautiful?” had a dream found a field full of peaceful creatures saw some boys with machines in the ground beneath them how many times? how many lives? back on the ground i open my eyes i can see the signs faces in the sky
6.
(don't keep me out) 00:15
info
7.
hold me 01:00
lyrics
i’ll burn it once smoldering past new soil for us hold me while my roots grow down i’ll turn it up driving too fast will i catch up? hold me while my wheels go round self-trust when a breeze on my back isn’t enough hold me when i feel left out
8.
divide 01:00
lyrics
our legs were stronger our heads were higher our pockets thinner our clothing tighter our patience shorter our voices brighter many years ahead back then less days behind us in this life we ran out of time but it was a good ride please don’t mind i’ll ask you once you don’t have to reply do we divide?
9.
other side 01:00
lyrics
don’t tease me with the promise of redemption (don’t you wanna come inside?) i’m followed all the way to oblivion climbing in the chasm hope i don’t get lost i don’t wanna know what’s on the other side saving up my karma ‘cause i weighed the cost i don’t wanna know what’s on the other side dealing with a demon trying to steal my thoughts i don’t wanna know what’s on the other side i think i see the light i don’t wanna know what’s on the other side souls going once, souls going twice, sold
10.
wake up 01:00
lyrics
the city is finally sleeping wake up where are the wandering people? wake up it’s not the quiet of peace the silence i need something should be screaming beside it when the white noise i hear turns crystal clear i miss the roar and the riots
11.
7amurai 00:59
lyrics
danger strikes in the night start a fight, pay the price danger strikes in the night spill the rice, save a knife i wanna do more 4 u morph into a 7amurai i wanna do more 4 u draw my sword and save ur life and i won’t hide ima stay til i finish who’s outside? all your love, they gon’ steal it
12.
egg nebula 01:00
info
13.
only yours 00:59
lyrics
we could be done in a fit of the sun or the slip of a mountain would we wake up in a new dimension or in a plume of dust? i wasn’t warned that we would be torn i will be only yours if we endure the end of the war i will be only yours too close to see too far to reach don’t let me freeze don’t let me freeze
14.
save yrself 01:00
lyrics
let go, now save yourself before we both go down x3
15.
trublu 01:00
lyrics
i could’ve sworn we shared the feeling were you waiting for a reason? in the lilac morning dew the only peace i ever knew everything looks different now tell me how i failed to see your blue (is what they’re saying true?) if you’re still hurting and i’m still learning i’m prepared, i understand
16.
prism 01:00
lyrics
all my days, complacent sleeping past the A.M. ring leery of elation wading in a shallow sea ignore the gravity jump for joy and dive in we’re gonna swim where the sun is the darkest part is over but it shook me to the core the prism in the corner don’t hook me anymore i thought you could change the way i see myself i thought you could change the way
17.
binauralude 01:00
info
18.
hollow bones 01:00
lyrics
chorus in the clearing forest has me feeling narrow these days i wait to make a scene shake up the tree and stammer to relate follow the poles feel the front feel the cold move any way you want time has flown do you know the way home? hollow bones, hollow bones
19.
(air 2) 00:15
info
20.
leaves 01:00
lyrics
Autumn is over the long leaves that love us, And over the mice in the barley sheaves; Yellow the leaves of the rowan above us, And yellow the wet wild-strawberry leaves. The hour of the waning of love has beset us, And weary and worn are our sad souls now; Let us part, ere the season of passion forget us, With a kiss and a tear on thy drooping brow.
21.
place in my head 01:00
lyrics
there’s a place in my head where the peach blossoms grow and the water is clear and we wander through the groves reset, rewind impact, bolide image made in haste vision go to waste reset, rewind impact, bolide everything’s ok, everything’s ok
22.
let yourself in 00:59
lyrics
don’t put the world on my shoulders all the weight’s in the ocean trying hard to be open trying to let you get closer got to mend things with the old self digging deep with the intel awful lot of time that i can’t sell awful lot of dreams that i can’t help i hid the key you know where it is let yourself in
23.
unforgivable 01:00
lyrics
chaos brought us back to the past did it really have to take so long? and just like that you were gone in a flash was it really even all my fault? don’t look behind you don’t say anything out loud it was a crime of youth, honest truth got nothing to hide now was i so unforgivable? a thousand times, sorry
24.
mouth of the canyon 01:00
lyrics
i was running full speed when i tripped feet from the cliff nearly kissed the mouth of the canyon
25.
eezup 01:00
info
26.
migrant wing 01:00
lyrics
migrant wing nesting in the heat the life that you dream ain’t the life that you need (but you’re gonna sleep on it) i remember the asters and bluebells that colored our time made you a crown, it slipped right down and covered your eyes
27.
new pain 01:00
lyrics
(where do we go from here?) i won’t evolve if you can’t what have we learned from this new pain? what do we say? hold 4 walls with 2 hands what have i gained to lose my faith? what did i waste? and what of the minds we can’t change? all i can do is keep you safe
28.
halfway 01:00
lyrics
too soon, never soon enough? i’ll take the fall for it all for the two of us is it good enough? i should have called but a ghost took hold of my hands what if we meet halfway from where we stand? let’s not wait so long til the next time hesitation only makes us wonder further down we go further down we go i don’t need data i don’t need data at home
29.
say when 01:00
lyrics
i used to be zoned in so zen, coastin’ now i’m itching for a win in the worst way blowing up on my friends on my worst days and i fall back in ooo that same old rush i knew back then say when cuz i been waking up in the middle of the night i just wanna know if i’m on your mind reach through the screen tell me what you like tell me what you like hold that thought til the thought bubble bursts and slide back in when you feel that thirst is it a vibe? you first, do your worst all this love in a cloud, but what if it rains? please write me down before we lose everything
30.
outru 01:00
lyrics
slow to open don’t take it hard the curse was broken but it’s still wearing off (what if i don’t have time?) there are things i didn’t think we’d be reliving glad you kept it all in tact gonna feel my way back gonna feel my way back

about

In April 2020, I challenged myself to record a 1-minute demo every day for a month. It didn’t feel like a conscious choice to start, it was more of an automatic coping strategy for peak pandemic anxiety.

My process was to start at 9am and finish by 8pm; some days the juices were flowing and I’d have a nice little track wrapped in a couple hours. The beauty of giving yourself a <12 hour timeframe is that you can’t really overthink anything before starting on the next thing. Intuition steers the ship.

Throughout May, I posted the songs daily to Instagram in the same order they were written. I scoured Archive.org for ephemeral and experimental videos, which I edited to fit each of the haphazardly mixed demos. Slapping them online and seeing how and to what people responded was one of the best artistic lessons I’d ever had.

Inspired by the standard greeting of the era, I called it “how u holding up?”, now an actual mixtape.

credits

released May 31, 2020

All songs written, recorded, and produced by Ruven / Brian Parker.

Thaaank youuu

to Erin, Katy, and Margaux for moral design support
to Becca for encouraging cassette idea
to David and Yo-E for directing videos on the fly
to anyone who left emojis on the OG IG posts, it lifted me up

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Ruven London, UK

DYSTOPIAN POP

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